10-28-2012, 02:45 PM
TNA House Show Results Oct 27, St Louis
All of this hurrying and rushing made the meet and greet extremely sterile and underwhelming. I barely had time to shake the hands of Storm, Daniels, and Roode. It was all "move along, come on' folks, move along". I wanted to be upset about this, as I was really looking forward to my kid actually "meeting" the performers, and not just watch them exercise their monographing skills. At least he got quick knuckles from Storm and Roode, and a "hi sweetie, what's your name?" from Tara. We found our seats and waited for more nonsense. It was announced that Mr. Anderson was signing at the merch table up top, and to hurry up if you want to meet (walk along and see him use a marker) him. I asked my son if we wanted to get Anderson's autograph, and he was like "nope", because he hates Anderson. Ahhhh, I've programmed him well.
Funny side note:
As we were walking down the stairs, I caught a glimpse of the signing table and to my surprise, boom! it was Kurt Angle! I'm not a huge fan of the guy these days due to his personal trainwrecks, but I was still excited to meet a guy whose had a longtime sucessful WRESTLING career in the Olympics and both federations. As we got closer to the table, I realized that Kurt Angle somehow magically transformed into Hernandez. It's incredible how similar those two look sitting down from behind.
So, before the event began, those that dumped twenty bucks on the AJ Styles/ Jeff Hardy action figure got to go backstage and do another "move it along" assembly line quick-fire meet and greet with those two. This seemed really Jewish on TNA's part. Pay extra money for a meet and greet, then pay an additional twenty to get two more autographs in a rapid-fire "wait,wait, could you sign this too" sort of sense. The meet and greet was underwhelming, but the price of the tickets were definitely worth it for the seats, as you'll find out later.
On To the Show!!
Show opened up with Christy Hemme singing the worst fucking national anthem I've ever heard. It was an insult to Murica. I thought I was going to get my ass beat for laughing and texting Gimmick throughout the whole thing.
James Storm comes out and plays to the crowd. He tells a story of a boy he met earlier that was taken from his parents due to pysical and sexual abuse and was there with his grandmother. He said that he took him in back to meet everyone, and that the boy said that he really wanted to meet aces and eights.
***Now you guys should know by now that I'm a cynical fucker and didn't believe that if this did indeed happen, it was complete bullshit, and made a mental note that next time, I'm removing myself from role of "father" and showing up as a youth group leader or something and woefully tugging at the wrasslers heartstrings with stories of how my kid has Lupus or something. Yeah, I'm a terribe person.***
Anyway a guy from Aces and Eights came out and Storm just starts wailing on him, which causes a few other Al Snows and Dee-low brown's in masks to come out and gang up on Storm. This led to Anderson making the save and suggesting a tag match for later in the evening versus A's and 8's. Christy Hemme said she would get Hogan on the line (huge pop, just at the mention of his name) and see if she could set that up (granted if he wasn't busy hulking up his tiny penis and preparing to drop the big leg on Bubba The Love Sponge's wife's tits).
First match was Tara vs. ODB for the Knockouts title. Great comedy match with lots of funny spots involving ODB's giant breastesses. Needless to say, Brian Hebner go a face full, and comedy ensued. Tara with the widows peak for the win.
Then they brought out Earl Hebner to parade around in his new shirt that said "damn right I did" and heel it up to the crowd. This was basically a lame setup to announce that the shirt was only ten bucks, and buying one netted you an autograph from Earl and Brian Hebner. Yippity fucking doo. The crowd seemed real indifferent to this "spectacular, one time only" deal, as they should have been. Oh, and it was announced that Earl had officially reffed 100,000 matches at this point, which I found funny as I imagined Earl having a closet full of notebooks titled "matches reffed" full of hash marks.
Next Daniels hit the ring dressed sloppily like Magneto from the X-men. He went on a long, insulting, and entirely hilarious heel rant against the crowd. I always liked Daniels, and this little comedy skit just made me like him more. it was like he was a different person than on TV. Truly came across as partly hateful, partly goofy. Hernandez and Styles hit the ring for a three-way dance. Great short, high intensity match with lots of reversals, duckings of clotheslines only to get hit by the next guy's clothesline, etc. Daniels took some incredible bumps in this match. Not only can the guy entertain, but he can also wrestle his ass off. Hernandez hit a Border Toss that I swear to God broke Daniels's back for the win. Fun, fast-paced, exciting match.
Let me note at this point that this crowd sucked and was full of empty-headed marks. I tried to start at least 37 unsuccessfull chants, and my smark comedy wasn't getting over with the crowd. For example, during the knockouts match, I shouted "you guys's are great, who cares what Pritchard thinks" which only netted a couple of laughs from the six people that understood the comment.
Anyway, on to the next match which was Bully Ray vs. Hernandez who had magically transformed back into Kurt Angle. Good match with a lot of stiff shots and good back and forth. You can tell they're really, really trying to put Bully over not only as a tough dickhead, but an unstoppable dickhead as well. Dude roped out of one ankle lock, kick-out of another, and also kicked out of an Angle Slam. After all of this he hit a Bubba cutter and got the one two three. This really made Angle look weak, and Bully look unconvincingly superhuman. Good match nonetheless.
Next was Anderson and Storm vs Random Jobbers in masks. Oh, I mean aces and eights. This was a very entertaining match with Anderson doing his "Asshole" bit and just throwing a horrible verbal assault on the masked jobbers with Storm getting a quip in here and there. Even got the zombified crowd to start a "douchebag" chant. This was pretty much a squash match with lots of comedy bits. At the end of the match they unmasked one of the A's & 8's and it did indeed look kinda' like Luke Gallows, but the guy covered his face and ran before anyone could get a good look at him. Fun match with lots of crowd participation.
Main event time. Bobby Roode came out and got lots of huge heat, saying he was going to beat Hardy worse than the Giants beat the Cardinals, yadda,yadda. Next The inebriated enigma came out to a HUGE pop and did his retarded eyes-closed, feel my way around the ring and hope not to trip on my already drunk feet thing. Great match that saw lots of Roode being one of the best there is today, and Hardy going through his, by this point, routine set of moves which I think all of us have memorized at this point. Hardy with the twist of fate for the win.
But here's the best part of the whole night. Before the match, Hardy walked along the aisles and tempted the crowd with a free shirt. Needless to say, all the little drugamaniacs wanted it and were screaming for it. He got to our section, and my kid stood on his chair and said "me, me!". Would you know it, Hardy gave him the damn shirt, which much to my inner smark chagrin, instantly converted my son into a Hardy fan (he fucking hated Hardy before this very moment). Then Roode, bless his goddamn heart tried to jump the guardrail and take the shirt from my son, only to be "held back" by the the ref. He glared at my kid and told him that he was nothing and that his hero hardy was a loser, and kept challenging my eight-year-old autistic son to a fight. Now, I thought the kid was going to get upset and cry for sure, but nope, the ballsy little guy stood on his chair, proudly displayed this shirt to Roode, than dropped it and started pounding his fist into his open palm, standing up to Roode's challenges. Proudest I've ever been as a parent. Here's a kid that gets bullied at school, standing up to one of the biggest kayfabe bullies of them all.
Got my picture taken in the ring with my kid and Hardy at the end of the night.
** Second Best Part of the Night- We were standing in line for the Styles/Hardy autograph, and in front of us was the biggest set of Jeff Hardy worshiping parents and their equally Jeff Hardy worshiping son. The kid turned to my kid and asked who his favorite wrestler was, he responded "AJ Styles". The kid said that Hardy was way better than Styles, to which my kid responded "NO he's not! Jeff Hardy's on drugs!!" Ohhh, the stars fell out of that kids eyes hard and quick and his fucking mom looked at me with the most evil fucking glare that partially said, "control your kid" for telling the outright truth and partially said, "I'd hit you if I didn't want to get kicked out of the venue." I just sort of gave her that "he's a kid, what can you do?" shrug and patted my kid on the head for telling it like it is. This was one of the best moments of my parenting life, because, hey, crushing dreams is cool enough, seeing your eight year old son do it, however, is priceless.
Overall fun night and I can't fucking wait until they're in town next.
UPDATE: I forgot to add that Hebner announced that Harley "I eat concrete for breakfast" Race was in attendance. I didn't see him due to being where I was, but the place broke into a "Harley, Harley" chant which was pretty fucking cool. Wish I could have found him after the show, would have been an honor to let him punch me in the face.
-- TheFartbreakKid, Mid West Correspondent
Admin: FBK, Thanks for the write up. You earned MAJOR dad points last night, great job!
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